Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
