Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
