In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
