Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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