The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have fence marks all over my body
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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