"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
