I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This is my gift to your gina
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
