No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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