i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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