Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
