At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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