i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
