whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
