based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
