I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
