I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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