He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
