also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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