i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
