guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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