Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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