oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
