I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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