sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
