I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
