That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
