The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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