I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
