After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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