It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
