hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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