these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
