i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
