Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
