I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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