Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
