you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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