um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
