the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
