u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
