had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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