Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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