I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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