she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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