I should be sponsored by Trojan
accomplished twins. life is a go
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
