We won't sleep together?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
