He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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