the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
