My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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