You can't special order awesome
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if i died would you start the facebook group?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
