That's when you crack a 10am beer
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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